Can't We All Just Get Along, Leaning into Conflict - July 17

“Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another

with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor.” (Romans 12:9)

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 31; PM Psalm 35; Joshua 4:19-5:1,10-15; Rom. 12:9-21; Matt. 26:17-25 

Can’t we all just get along?! As someone who tends to avoid conflict, this plea by Rodney King during the 1992 Los Angeles riots resonates with me. I am happiest when everyone is living in harmony. But getting along and living in harmony doesn’t just happen. I admire King for his efforts in trying to bring about peace and seeing that the violence was destroying their community. His appeal for peace continued with these words, “Please, we can get along here. We all can get along. I mean, we’re all stuck here for a while. Let’s try to work it out. Let’s try to beat it.” There’s some wisdom to uncover here.

Avoiding conflict is dysfunctional. Trying to work it out is absolutely what’s needed for us to get along and this requires intentional effort. The intentional effort of trying to work it out becomes more than getting along, but peacemaking. And the hard work of peacemaking is what our world needs. But since we all seem to have our minds made up already, practically speaking…how do we do this hard work of peacemaking?

I’m afraid it’s going to require a willingness to engage conflict rather than shutting people out who have different ideas or beliefs. For example, how can we reimagine schools, colleges & universities, and seminaries functioning in a few weeks with the Covid-19 cases and death tolls rising? We can’t just get along or avoid conflict on this issue. We have to engage in trying to work it out. Even the seemingly simple matter of wearing or not wearing a mask becomes a volatile issue because we can’t seem to agree on that one decision – though it’s being mandated. So, what’s it gonna take for us to lean into conflict and learn to get along?

The Wednesday Bible Study has been having some real talk lately about life and our everyday struggles to get along, and how Paul’s message fits in. Discussing the meaning of love was especially beneficial for all of us. Love is more than an emotion that we feel. It involves being and doing. We determined that liking everyone is not necessary, but we do have to know how to love people in the way that God commands which is agape love. Agape love is unconditional and involves patience, kindness, humility, grace, generosity, truth, hospitality, and hope. Agape love is eternal and draws us near to God.

What Paul is preaching is how to fully participate in God’s mission for the world. For this mission to work in our communities and world, it’s like any successful relationship which involves 100% mutual participation - not 50/50 meeting halfway in the middle - but going all the way with full participation. What Paul is preaching - with all the Do’s and Don’t’s of the Romans passage - is to lean into the conflict of things (and this is very much easier said than done). He’s calling for a decentering of ourselves in exchange for centering God. Let God’s love guide our thoughts, words, and actions. This takes time and effort. In fact, this peacemaking is a life-long practice.

Here’s the clincher. God is at the heart of each of us, not just me and you, but every person. The experience of living fully engaged with one another in agape love allows us to experience our shared life in the Spirit. Sharing our lives and participating in God’s mission collectively changes our hearts by opening them to the love of God that dwells among me and you and everyone else, rather than shutting each other out. Can we let go of our personal ego, lean into conflict together through agape love, and allow God to draw our hearts closer together for peacemaking? Can’t we all just get along?!

-- Susan Oakes, Seminarian

Susan Oakes is a rising senior at the Seminary of the Southwest in Austin, Texas. This summer, she is serving as a seminarian intern at Saint Stephen's, her sponsoring parish for ordination.

Questions for Self Reflection: Are you a conflict avoider or do you lean into conflict? What is one conflict you would like to engage?

Daily Challenge: Think of someone who is hard for you to love. Now think of that person as a beloved child of God, made by God in God’s image and made for love, creativity, beauty, and goodness. Pray for this person today.