Naming the Grief - September 18
Today’s Reflection: AM Psalm 69:1-23(24-30)31-38; PM Psalm 73; Esther 1:1-4,10-19 or Judith 4:1-15; Acts 17:1-15; John 12:36b-43
“While you have the light, believe in the light, so that you may become children of the light.”
For our Tuesday staff meeting, our team read and discussed an article on grief from the Harvard Business Review. The article was titled That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief which suggests that much of what we feel right now is grief and that it is emotionally helpful to name it. The article is an interview with David Kessler who co-wrote with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss. This book is like the Holy Grail on grief. He has recently written a book to claim that there is a sixth stage: “finding meaning,” which is what we often have been trying to do through theological reflection and the daily scripture in these reflections.
Kessler names that “one particularly troubling aspect of the pandemic is the open-endedness of it.” I find this to be especially true as I am consistently asking when and how all of this will end. I want to make plans for Easter and Christmas and all the wonderful services and festivities of church. Kessler claims that just as in naming grief, naming the liminal state of it also helps. This is survivable and it will pass. “This is a time to overprotect but not overreact.”
Which is why he believes we will find meaning in it. The Five Stages of Loss ended with acceptance, but Kessler believes that meaning is the ultimate response. He names that “even now people are realizing they can connect through technology. They are not as remote as they thought. They are realizing they can use their phones for long conversations. They’re appreciating walks.” I am seeing people reconnect with family, stop being addicted to work, spending more time building something meaningful, and engaging in their faith in profound new ways.
In today’s Gospel, Jesus is trying to prepare his disciples for when he is no longer with them. He is helping them get ready to handle the grief they will experience. This passage happens just before the last supper. And Jesus says, “While you have the light, believe in the light, so that you may become children of the light.” This reoccurring theme emerges once again that part of life is walking in the darkness, but finding light and meaning which we often do with the help of God, is the only hopeful way forward.
Kessler’s point is that we should name what we feel. He states, “the truth is a feeling that moves through us.” We shouldn’t ignore it, but instead, allow it to empower us. How do we find the light, believe in the light, and be children of the light? I wonder part of this is learning to find meaning as the result of the grief that we experience. But first, we have to name it.
-John+
Questions for Self-Reflection: Do you agree with the idea that we are all experiencing grief right now? What other emotions are you experiencing?
Daily Challenge: Try naming your grief, specifically what makes you sad. If it is helpful try vocalizing this with a friend or loved on.