Friends: Holy Partners in Compassion -- August 22

Today’s Readings:  AM Psalm 137:1-6(7-9), 144; PM Psalm 104; Job 3:1-26; Acts 9:10-19a; John 6:41-51

They sat with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.   - Job 2:13

In elementary school, music class was a big part of our weekly activities. There was the washboard band, studying George Bizet’s Carmen, and every parent’s favorite: recorders. I learned how to care for and clean that highly annoying ecru plastic instrument, but it didn’t take long for my parents to send me outside to practice. Individual musical preparation was one challenge; coordinating with others in the class was quite a different feat. I remember feeling the pressure to stay in sync with my friends and being so happy at the sounds we made in concert together. (Notice I hesitate to call it “music”!) It was one of those formative bonding experiences, fusing friendships during an awkward phase of life.

Some of those classmates continue as my dearest and longest friendships. They sat with my sisters and me in a time of grief and suffering. Ali flew to Birmingham from New York City to be with me in the last of my mom’s days. Catherine bought the Bruce Springsteen concert tickets my sister couldn’t use, due to our mom’s illness…and her mom Diane scrubbed our kitchen floor, so that we had a fresh and hospitable space to host people checking on us. Katherine (another one) made an appointment and took me to get my hair done the day before my mom’s funeral. Each of these friends, and many others, heard of our troubles and came to console and comfort us. They saw that our suffering was great and remained present with us. Nearly 18 years later, I cannot remember many of the words spoken, but I remember their physical presence and compassion.

The presence of friends in the midst of trouble is so crucial, and the excerpt from our Old Testament reading demonstrates this. Job erupts in mourning and deep lament. He voices his pain because he was able to sit for seven days supported by his friends Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar. They do not try to solve his problems and painful sores. They mourn his troubles and simply sit with him in the misery, saying nothing. The three friends are embodied reminders to Job that he is not alone, and that he is loved. And surrounded by that certainty, Job expresses a deluge of despair and pain.

The dynamic at play in Job is one of the reasons this time of physical distance is so painful and disruptive. We humans are made for relationship and connection. Whether your cultural context is from the southeastern United States, or another place of community and care, experiencing the losses and fears that surround us in isolation is not normal! We are grieving and we long for our friends to be near, for they are our partners in compassion. When the planes flew into the Twin Towers and thousands of people died on September 11, 2001, my friend Rose Ann called me and said, “We are going to church to pray. Meet us there at 6 o’clock.” When my friend’s sister died suddenly, our priest called several of us and said, “We are going to Andrea’s to sit. Meet me there.” This is our routine: we gather. We sit. We support. And so, living into limitations on in-person gatherings is so hard, even when they are in the best interest for public health.

But wait -- here’s the good news: we can do hard things (with God’s help)! Job endured deep pain and felt forsaken, yet he did not abandon his faith…and God did not leave Job behind. We, like Job, can do hard things, even though we may not have our friends nearby to offer comfort and consolation. Keep the faith and give thanks to God for friends!

-- Katherine+

Questions for Reflection

Who has been a friend alongside you in a dark time? What helps you be a partner in compassion? What keeps you from sitting in silence with someone’s deep pain?

Daily Challenge

Let the ministry of presence offered by Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar to inspire you. Who might need your presence today? Pray about it and reach out.