"Who am I, God, that you have brought me thus far?' - August 3
Daily Reflection for Saint Stephen’s
Tuesday, August 3, 2021
Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 78:1-39; PM Psalm 78:40-72; 2 Samuel 7:18-29; Acts 18:12-28; Mark 8:22-33
Today’s Reflection
As I read today’s passage from 2 Samuel 7, I was struck by how poetic David’s prayer sounds, so I ended up taking several lines of it and arranging it as one would lay out lines of verse on a page.
Who am I God?
And what is my house,
that you have brought me thus far?
And what more can I say to you?
For you know me, O God!
Your servant has found courage
to pray this prayer to you:
And now, O Lord God,
you are God, and your words are true,
and you have promised
this good thing to your servant.
Now, therefore, may it please you
to bless the house of your servant,
so that it may continue for ever before you.
For you, O Lord God, have spoken,
and with your blessing shall the house
of your servant be blessed for ever. Amen.
Reading this passage, then arranging these lines into a poem that is also a prayer, puts me in mind to reflect on how far God has brought me, especially over these past five years since I walked away from my comfortable life as a college professor in DeLand, Florida, to start over again in a new city (Austin), doing a new thing (seminary), but also going back to a place I had lived before (Texas) and a role I had played for many years before (student), in order to prepare for this whole new way of life to which God has called me (serving God and his people as a priest).
As my final semester of seminary unfolded in spring 2019, I began to pray more and more that God would lead me to the people and place I was meant to serve—and that we would all recognize each other when the time came. For my first year out of seminary, I was called to be in ministry alongside the people of Saint Thomas in College Station, Texas. It was especially meaningful for me to return to Bryan-College Station, where I had lived and studied for five years (1999-2004), the place where I became both a scholar and a mother—graduating from Texas A&M with my Ph.D. in 2003, the same year we welcomed Olivia to the world. And to return to College Station also felt right in that, on a certain level, it helped me to gain some sense of healing and closure in the wake of my dissertation advisor’s untimely death there in 2013. Returning to College Station in this new role as a priest felt somehow a way to make peace with that loss, as well as to spend a year discerning about next steps in my trajectory from professor to priest in the place where I had, strangely, become both (16 years apart).
And as I pray these poetic lines from 2 Samuel today, even more so they put me in mind to reflect on how far God has brought me (and my family) over this past year since I began my call as your associate rector on August 1, 2020. Being here with you at Saint Stephen’s is the answer to at least several years of discerning prayers. While I loved and cared for the people of Saint Thomas, I began to feel a stirring that God was moving me on—a stirring which began in earnest during the Season of Lent in 2020, as our world went into lockdown. I began having discerning conversations with people whom God put on my heart to talk with, to hear their perspectives and their own stories of discernment. And I began to pray again, daily, that God would make the path ahead clear. I prayed, as a young Samuel did in the temple, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” And I took back up that original prayer, the one I had prayed daily during my last year of seminary, that God would lead me to the community of people I was meant to minister alongside—and that we would recognize each other clearly when the time came.
And then, after my first Holy Week as a priest in the weird new world of virtual services, I awoke on Easter Monday with a very clear sense from God that it was time to act. It felt like the Spirit was moving me on—though where and to what I did not yet know. I just knew that it was time to begin making calls and more actively discerning where God would lead us next. I began speaking with a transition minister in another Diocese, then began to discern with a small parish there who was searching for their next rector. I was open to other possibilities, but so far no others had yet presented themselves—until the day I jumped on the Holy Hikes Zoom meeting, unexpectedly met both John Burruss and Allen Howell, and the rest, as they say, is history. When I read the position description (for Saint Stephen’s associate rector for formation position) the next day, I felt like I was reading about the job I never knew I was searching for—until I saw it, and then I knew it was exactly the kind of community and call that made sense for me, and the kind of priest God had formed me to be. As I discerned with Saint Stephen’s in May and June 2020, it became increasingly clear to me what special people make up this church and that I wanted very much to be a part of this dynamic community.
One year later, I still feel that way—except even more so. Even amidst this crazy, ongoing pandemic, we’ve found ways to worship and learn together, and to take care of each other and our wider community. There is a spirit of creativity and hopefulness in this parish community that confirms for me daily that the grace, mercy, love, and peace of Christ are real—and they are embodied in the ways we live out our faith together as the body of Christ gathered as Saint Stephen’s Episcopal Church. I am so thankful for this first year of getting to know you and serve alongside you—and I look forward to meeting and knowing more of you as our new program year unfolds this fall.
I’m taking some time off this week—time to rest, recharge, and enjoy some travel adventures with my daughters before they go back to school soon. I look forward to returning next week refreshed and renewed, ready to begin year two with you all here at Saint Stephen’s. I look forward to the ways we will worship and learn together, and take care of one another and our community, in the months and years to yet to come.
Like David’s prayer (which we read today in 2 Samuel), I, too, am grateful: grateful that God has brought me safe thus far, grateful that God’s words and promises are true, and grateful that God has blessed me and my house by allowing us to be here with you at Saint Stephen’s.
—Becky+
Questions for Self-Reflection
Looking back on your life so far, what moments stand out to you as ones in which God’s “still, small voice” was speaking to you? What have been moments in your life when you felt the Spirit moving you on to the next step in your personal or professional life? When have you experienced a clear sense that God’s words are true, and that he has good things in store for you—even when you haven’t been clear as to what those would be?
Daily Challenge
Make David’s prayer-poem your own this week. Print it out (or copy and paste it into the notes app on your phone), then commit to pray these words at least once a day throughout this week. Try to give yourself 10-15 minutes for silent meditation after you pray these lines, being open to the stirrings of God’s Spirit in your own life and sense of calling.