Heal me, for I have sinned against you - July 24

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 41, 52; PM Psalm 44
1 Samuel 24:1-22; Acts 13:44-52; Mark 4:1-20

In the Book of Common Prayer of the Episcopal Church, there is a section called Pastoral Offices – meaning the services that care for people across their lives. You can find the words said at threshold occasions: confirmation, marriage, and even thanksgiving for the birth of a child. And then, there is one called “The Reconciliation of a Penitent”. The BCP says this about the rite for private confession, on page 446:

“The ministry of reconciliation, which has been committed by Christ to his Church, is exercised through the care each Christian has for others, through the common prayer of Christians assembled for public worship, and through the priesthood of the church and its ministers declaring absolution. The Reconciliation of a Penitent is available for all who desire it. It is not restricted to times of sickness. Confessions may be heard anytime and anywhere.”

There are times in our existence when we hit those crises that shake us. It could be the dissolution of a relationship, or retirement, or a move, or a death, or a diagnosis. Whatever the scene, something makes us look at ourselves in the mirror of reality. And the things we see may be disturbing or hard. We wrestle with where we are, and who we are, and how those things of the past keep tangling up our feet and feelings. Perhaps it feels like we have no where to go…but to God.

Walking honestly through the rite of reconciliation with someone (either clergy or trusted layperson) might be a liberating next right step.

When not ready to work through the muck with someone else, we can sit with God and pray the psalms in these low moments, offering words of honesty that address the spectrum of human experience: resentment and hope, exhaustion and faith, emptiness and love.

Take a look at the first four verses of Psalm 41:

1 Happy are they who consider the poor and needy! *
the Lord will deliver them in the time of trouble.

2 The Lord preserves them and keeps them alive,
so that they may be happy in the land; *
he does not hand them over to the will of their enemies.

3 The Lord sustains them on their sickbed *
and ministers to them in their illness.

4 I said, "Lord, be merciful to me; *
heal me, for I have sinned against you."

When we find ourselves in the deepest depths, the psalmist offers us assurance: the Lord delivers us. The Lord delivers us when we pay attention to others in need. We are reminded that we are not the only ones with struggles. And in this company amid the conflicts of life, we find community, care, and protection. The psalmist continues, that God sustains us in our maladies – and in these thresholds, we call out to the Lord to be merciful, and to heal us, as we have sinned against God.

It is a good thing to be honest with God and ourselves about our own spaces of imperfection, disappointment, and hurt. It is not easy. And yet, it can bring healing and reconnection with God and within our own lives.

May God’s reconciling love guide you today,

Katherine+

Questions for Self-Reflection:  

Sit with the Confession of Sin - which you can find on page 360 in the Book of Common Prayer. Or, read through the rite of reconciliation (page 447 in the BCP). 

Then, sit in prayer. What comes up in your heart? Spend some time journaling. If you feel that a follow-up conversation with a member of the clergy would be helpful, please reach out and call the church.