Being With One Another - February 19
Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 107:33-43, 108:1-6(7-13); PM Psalm 33; Gen. 35:1-20; 1 John 3:11-18; John 11:1-16
Today’s Reflection
We know that we have passed from death to life because we love one another. Whoever does not love abides in death. All who hate a brother or sister are murderers, and you know that murderers do not have eternal life abiding in them. We know love by this, that he laid down his life for us—and we ought to lay down our lives for one another. How does God’s love abide in anyone who has the world’s goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses help? Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. —1 John 3:14-18
Today’s passage from 1 John 3 is a powerfully succinct statement of what it means to love one another—not just in theory, but in practice. Not in word or speech, but in truth and action. Love as moving beyond how we feel into love as being about how we are with the other human beings in our lives.
Sam Wells has written that while faith is rooted in what has happened in the past and hope is focused on what will happen in the future, love is about how we are living in the present. How do we go about sharing this present-tense love with one another? 1 John 3 points us toward following Jesus by laying down our lives for one another, sharing what we have with one another—loving others in a way that is true and active. This all sounds very good, but in our day-to-day interactions, how do we live into this kind of loving action?
Wells holds that everything about God’s love for us is communicated in the idea of being with. God created the world and us as a part of it because God wanted from the beginning to be in relationship with us. Then with the incarnation, God chose to be born into full humanity, to be with us in the full arc of human development from childhood and adolescence into adulthood. While the scriptures tell us mainly of the last three years of Jesus’ life, the years of his public ministry, Wells rightly points out that the first 30 years, about 90 percent of Jesus’ life, were spent solely being with people as he learned and worked and participated in all the normal, day-to-day activities that make a life. So, as we reflect on how we are meant to follow Jesus’ example of loving others in our own daily lives, it makes sense that about 90 percent of how we share life and love with others in the present should be focused on simply being with others (as opposed to working for, working with, or being for them—which often are how we think of what it means to share love with others in the world of church ministries and other forms of charitable activity).
Here are some of the ways we enact love through being with: Creating space and time in our lives for simply being with others. Enacting holy curiosity. Wondering with people. Expressing genuine interest in learning who people are, where they have been, what they have experienced, what they are going through, what brings them joy, what they dream about for the future, what their dearest hopes are for themselves and those they love.
Being with means setting aside whatever distracts us so that we may be fully present for that other human being, be they someone we know well or someone we have only just met. Being with is what gets us out of our own heads and makes this present life meaningful. Being with is how we go about loving one another not just in word or speech, but in action and in truth.
In their book Good Enough: 40ish Devotionals for a Life of Imperfection, Kate Bowler and Jessica Ritchie include a “Blessing for When Caring Costs You.” Reflect on this blessing as you allow yourself to wonder what it means that being with others is how we share in God’s love with one another.
Becky+
Blessed are you who want your life to count, you who do the right things, who hope it will add up to something. That is some good math.
But blessed are you who do terrible, terrible math. You who care about strangers. What a waste—that wasn’t going to get you a nicer apartment. You who give your health in service of people who might not even deserve it and who never say thank you. You could have been protecting yourself or, God forbid, sleeping through the night. But you are here instead.
Blessed are you who listen to long, winding stories from lonely hearts instead of rushing off to more interesting friends. You picked boredom or loving strangers instead of the warmth of being known. That was your time and you’re never going to get it back.
Blessed are you who love people who aren’t grateful, the sick who endanger your health, the deeply boring who know you have things to do. Loving people can be the most meaningful thing in the world, but it can also be hard and scary and boring and disgusting or sad or anxiety-inducing with zero overtime.
So bless you, dear one. You who made these bad investments, those acts of love that are not going to add up to success in the way the world sees it. You are the definition of love.
Questions for Self-Reflection
Recall a time recently when you set aside all else and just spent time being with another person. Did you share a meal or an activity together? Did you share stories? What did you learn about the other person (and perhaps also about yourself) through this time of simply being with one another?
Daily Challenge
If you are curious to learn more of Sam Wells’ reflections on being with (versus working for, working with, or being for), you can hear more here (12 minute version) or here (45 minute version). These ideas are fully developed in Wells’ book A Nazareth Manifesto: Being With God.
Good Enough is the book we are using as the basis for this year’s Lenten reflection gatherings (Wednesdays at 5 p.m., starting March 9). For each day, Good Enough includes a reflection, a blessing, and ‘a good enough step.’ Consider joining Katherine and I for these times of reflection during the Season of Lent, then staying on to share dinner together in the Parish Hall as a way of enacting ‘being with’ one another as we prepare our hearts to celebrate Resurrection and new life at Easter.