Watching from a Distance - July 20

Today’s Readings: AM Psalm 119:49-72; PM Psalm 49, [53], Joshua 8:30-35; Rom. 14:13-23; Matt. 26:57-68

Violence is hard for me to bear in recent days. Since the shootings at Saint Stephen’s, imagery of interpersonal harm is upsetting. There is a television show Sam and I are watching on Hulu called “The Old Man”. It is exciting, fascinating, and sometimes violent. In order to get through some scenes, I turn my head away or cover my eyes. I know that this is a side-effect of trauma. It is too painful to absorb the hurt.

In today’s gospel reading from Matthew, in which Jesus is being tried before Caiaphas the high priest. Jesus refuses to answer the calls for his testimony. The excerpt for today ends with Jesus being struck in the face as someone demands, “Prophesy to us, you Messiah!” At first blush, I thought, “Nope!” and moved past this scripture to reflect on another piece of the Bible.

And yet here I am, writing about what I yearn to avoid. Here’s what I am wondering as I read Matthew 26 today: Peter must have been traumatized as he hung back and watched from a distance as Jesus, the Son of Man, was taken into custody, badgered, and beaten. What heavy feelings of guilt and remorse he carried around for the remainder of his days in ministry.

Peter was forever changed by his experience shadowing Jesus. He was a survivor in that surge of persecution. Did he wish he had been captured, too? How did he move through the regret? Who comforted him when he felt completely devastated? Did Peter rehearse any verses from Psalm 119 as he sat in horror? Several verses (65-68) resonate in such a space of inner turmoil:

O Lord, you have dealt graciously with your servant,
according to your word.
Teach me discernment and knowledge,
for I have believed in your commandments.
Before I was afflicted I went astray,
but now I keep your word.
You are good and you bring forth good;
instruct me in your statutes.

Sometimes it takes others’ words of faithful prayer to bring peace in discomfort – like the petitions in Psalm 119. And sometimes, we get to let yesterday rest and make different decisions moving forward. Let us prayerfully do the next right thing today.

Katherine+

Questions for Self-Reflection:

Think of a time that someone really let you down. What feelings and thoughts remain about that person?

Think of a situation when you let someone else down. How did you react next?

Daily Challenge:

What does letting go of disappointment look like for you today? Spend a few minutes journaling about a scenario where you felt deeply disappointed, yet the solution feels far away. Pray to God for grace to enter this space of discomfort. Pray through the verses of Psalm 119 appointed for today.