Thank you from Susan Oakes, Seminarian Intern

Dear St. Stephen’s Family,

It’s the first week of my internship. It’s my turn to livestream the Daily Office for the first time and I’m all set, as I watch the seconds count down 10, 9, 8…OMG, I’m nervous! … 3, 2, 1.

We are LIVE!

Except there’s a message on my screen that indicates we’re not live. I’m confused as I sit in frozen silence. With a great deal of hesitation and lack of warm hospitality, I finally greet the virtual community.

Me: “Hello? Welcome, everyone? I think we’re live, but I’m not sure?”

I’m sure my anxious presence tells everyone that I have no idea what I’m doing. Along with others who are typing greetings in the comments, John greets me, but I’m not catching on. A few awkward seconds of silence seem to last forever.

John: “Good to SEE you, Susan!” (hint, hint)

His comment contradicts the error message on my screen. I don’t know what to do. I’m paralyzed with uncertainty. John begins texting me separately.

John: “You are live”

John: “Talk”

John: “Everything is fine”

I urge myself, it’s now or never, just begin the service.

Me: “Let’s begin An Order of Service for Noonday.”

I am more comfortable officiating the service itself. We read scripture and pray together - God is present. Everything IS fine. We get through it together.

And so begins this weird and wonderful summer internship with you! I was supposed to be in San Antonio completing Clinical Pastoral Education, but the program was cancelled, like everything else due to the coronavirus. A variety of obstacles have emerged during my seminary formation and, let’s be honest, all of us have been thrust into situations beyond our comfort zone since “Coronatide” began. I suspect many of us have been in that anxious place of not knowing what to do at some point. But there’s also creative space. I’ve been pondering the connections to the difficult, messy, painful birth pangs of new normals I’ve experienced through my life, considering how “Coronatide” relates to the birth pangs of Creation, and recalling the angel Gabriel’s encouragement to Mary: fear not, God is with you, and you can do hard things.

Friends, we are LIVE!  We are doing what seems impossible together, God is with us and everything is fine. I don’t mean to sound like Pollyanna, but more like Julian of Norwich, who prays “All shall be well,” because God is present in all things. God shows up in hard times, rather if we turn our attention to God, God abides with us through all things, the good, the bad, and everything in between. All manner of thing shall be well with God.

Thank you for welcoming me home and for all the ways we’ve connected, especially allowing me to learn how to grow through the difficulties and awkwardness. I’m thankful for being able to learn adaptive leadership and practical ministry this summer from the best clergy, staff, and congregation around as new ways of doing church are being birthed. Thank you also for loving and supporting me through seminary, both in prayer and financially. I’m praying for you, too, and trusting that in all the new and different ways of doing life and church, in the suffering and the loss, and in the joys and thanksgivings, God is in all of it with us and, therefore, everything is fine.

In love and gratitude,

Susan Oakes, Seminarian Intern